Post by Flood/Akvan on Mar 30, 2015 22:24:14 GMT
It was hard to change the views of someone seventeen down the lines. And thinking that way, Akvan felt like a hypocrite for even coming here to expect to be able to change how Chester thought. And what made Akvan's view hard to change... was that he didn't even know what it was. Not anymore. Was Akvan against his fate still, knowing that he'd lost already? Shinda was still alive and winning, Akvan had lost that spark of hope amongst those he cared for. If only, if only Akvan wasn't so weak, and he could form the right words, defeat that piece of darkness everliving in his heart. Then perhaps, he could respond to Chester, tell her that he cared about everything, everyone... so much so that he was going against his blood to try and save them. He was willing to see her point of view, he was going to try and get out of the lonely path, and search for forgiveness. But... Akvan couldn't lie anymore. "Chester.... I l-love you, I n-n-never stopped... t-through everything. T-the d-disease, t-taking my own l-life... all of it. And I thought... the only t-thing I could do, with that second chance at life... w-was to make sure something like t-that disease outbreak... n-never happened again."
Akvan closed his eyes, slowly getting up, and dragging his back across the tree as he did. "The t-truth... is no matter how much I l-love you, and l-love Gensho, and everyone... I can't forget... up here." Akvan poked his head, "I can't forget... w-what Mo told me."
Akvan took a deep breath, "I-I'm a l-liar... even to myself... t-that's why I d-don't deserve s-someone... anyone s-so kind... I... I always s-said so." Swallowing, Akvan rose his eyes finally, looking to Chester, and trying to smile. "B-but everything... all the kind things you said to Akvan... h-he never thanked you enough, i-if it wasn't for you... or Gensho or.. O-onrah... Akvan's life... really would have been meaningless." And that was as far into his past as Akvan could go, without breaking down into a panic, or tear fit. Fixing this problem, when Akvan believed that he himself was the problem, would perhaps not be the heroic and meaningful action everyone expected it to be. Akvan wanted so hard to try, try and do good, try and make amends. But with trying, there came fear of failure, and to this point, each time Akvan tried, he'd failed.
Akvan closed his eyes, slowly getting up, and dragging his back across the tree as he did. "The t-truth... is no matter how much I l-love you, and l-love Gensho, and everyone... I can't forget... up here." Akvan poked his head, "I can't forget... w-what Mo told me."
Akvan took a deep breath, "I-I'm a l-liar... even to myself... t-that's why I d-don't deserve s-someone... anyone s-so kind... I... I always s-said so." Swallowing, Akvan rose his eyes finally, looking to Chester, and trying to smile. "B-but everything... all the kind things you said to Akvan... h-he never thanked you enough, i-if it wasn't for you... or Gensho or.. O-onrah... Akvan's life... really would have been meaningless." And that was as far into his past as Akvan could go, without breaking down into a panic, or tear fit. Fixing this problem, when Akvan believed that he himself was the problem, would perhaps not be the heroic and meaningful action everyone expected it to be. Akvan wanted so hard to try, try and do good, try and make amends. But with trying, there came fear of failure, and to this point, each time Akvan tried, he'd failed.